Barney Goes Home
by Ardwolf
Summary: Barney is innocent. Barney travels and makes new friends. Barney loves everyone. But nobody ever said Barney was good, now did they?
1. 1 I Love You, You Love Me

Barney is innocent. Barney travels and makes new friends. Barney loves everyone. But nobody ever said Barney was _good_, now did they?

This is a _Barney And Friends_ / _Jurassic Park_ crossover. It takes place sometime after the end of the first _Jurassic Park_ movie.

It's a horror story, so if you're expecting warm and fuzzy _stop reading right now._

**Disclaimer:** I do not own and did not create _Barney And Friends_ or _Jurassic Park_. My apologies to Sheryl Leach who may find my treatment of her creation unsympathetic. But what can she expect for creating the most hated character on the face of the Earth?

I didn't write this story for profit, it is merely meant to entertain any reader who stumbles upon it. I hope my poor attempt has some merit in the eyes of those who read it, and may you forgive me for the nightmares I am about to inflict on you.

You have been warned.

* * *

>Chapter 1 – I Love You, You Love Me<p>Barney finished singing his song, and faded back into the plush dinosaur he'd used as a gateway to the human world. He could feel his friends join him in the mindscape, humming with contentment and stuffed from the love they had absorbed from the children.<p>

"That was tee-riffic!" Barney enthused. "Now we have enough love and huggles to make our Dream come true!"

"Do you see the Dream clearly, Barney?" Baby Bop asked eagerly.

"Oh yes, just as clearly as clearly can be!" Barney exclaimed. "Every time our friends called us and shared their delicious love with us, the Dream got clearer. And now with this final gift of their yummy hugs and kisses our friends have opened the way! There's the island, do you see it?"

"I see it!" Riff cried out, his crest lighting up and blinking rapidly. "Is that it, Barney? Is that where we make the Dream come true?"

"Yes, Riff, that's where our Super Dee Dooper Dream is! After that, we won't ever have to come back here again. We can stay on Earth and keep all our friends with us _forever!"_ Barney said in deep satisfaction.

"Oh goody goddy!" Baby Bop laughed. "Maybe then I won't keep losing my blanky so much! Has anybody seen it, by the way?"

"Here it is, Sissy." BJ said, draping over his sister's broad shoulders. "Barney, will I get to be Captain Pickles all the time?"

"Why sure, BJ! But we're all going to be so much bigger and stronger and faster, you won't need to be Captain Pickles at all! You'll be faster than fast!"

"I sure like that!" BJ said, beaming.

"Is everybody ready?" Barney said, tail waving eagerly.

"Yeah!" Riff said. "Let's _go_ already!"

"Why, that's a stuuuuuuuu-pendous idea!" Barney said, mouth curving in a huge grin. "Shimboree shimborah! Isla Nublar far star call! Open to us let us come, by the Dream, by the dumb!"

They felt the familiar rushing pull as they faded from the mindscape and formed on a tropical beach, warm sunlight lifting their spirits, the sound of bright blue water rushing onto the beach behind them making each dinosaur laugh.

"Now off you go!" Barney said merrily. "Remember, don't be afraid! The children's adoration is our magic bus into the Dream!"

He watched the other disappear into the thick green jungle and turned to where his special friend waited for him. As he traveled he sang his favorite song.

So happy was he the miles just disappeared under his waddling feet.

_"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination,  
>And when he's tall,<br>He's what we call a dinosaur sensation..."_

Barney paused as he felt the thudding of the ground beneath his feet.

"My friend is here!" He exclaimed happily.

The gigantic green-gray dinosaur came stalking out of the trees. It caught sight of the chubby purple and green midget instantly. The smaller dinosaur was waving both stubby arms overhead and jumping up and down. Curious at this suicidal behavior the T-Rex bent down and sniffed the morsel in front of it.

"Hello, my huge friend! Won't you give me a kiss?" Barney asked brightly.

The T-Rex sneezed as the unfamiliar odor tickled its nose. But this tiny creature smelled like meat, and the T-Rex was hungry…

"I love you, you love me. We're best friends as friends should—"

The T-Rex, irritated by the screeching, snapped up the morsel, cutting it in half mid-screech. Standing it throw its head back and swallowed the snack in one gulp. Liking the taste the predator bent down and grabbed the back half of its meal, which soon followed the front.

The predator ran a tongue around its lips to get the last of the blood. Feeling only slightly less hungry the tyrannosaur went in search of a more substantial meal.

Meanwhile, a few miles away, three man-sized predators dragged their prey deeper into the jungle so they could feast undisturbed.

When they had gone the only movement in the clearing was a bright yellow blanket caught on the branches of a tall bush. It flapped cheerfully in the wind, marred only by a large wet patch on the corner, which slowly dripped bright ruby drops onto the ground below.


	2. 2 What We Did Today

Chapter 2 – Here's What We Did Today

Barney came awake slowly, feeling _wonderful_. He got to his feet, feeling the strength flood through him. He stared around, delighted at how tall he was. He could see over the smaller tree tops!

"The Dream has come true!" He crowed in delight, noting how his voice had dropped from its old tenor to a booming bass. He set off to find Riff and the others, laughing to himself as his new body covered the ground ten times faster than his old one could have.

"Barney!" A voice cried out. "Look, look! I'm _fast_ now!" Riff, now a miniature version of Barney's form, ran circles around him, laughing.

"Barney, we're all alike now!" Baby Bop said. "Oh goody goddy! I am so _happy_. Our friends will be part of us _forever!_ I can feel the Dream coming true!"

"Where's your blanky?" Barney teased his small, newly sleek, friend.

"It got dirty." Baby Bop said sadly, but then grinned, showing wickedly sharp teeth. "But I don't need it anymore! I'm all grown up now. Silly old blanky!"

"Won't all our friends be really _surprised_ when they see us?" BJ asked, leaping his own height in the air, slashing one razor-sharp talon through the air. "Look at what I can do!"

"Speaking of our friends, I hear them calling now!" Barney said excitedly. "Just think, they'll be part of us _forever_ this time! We'll never lose them ever again!"

"I'm just so happy!" Baby Bop. "We can't keep them waiting, hurry!"

Barney focused, feeling the old familiar rush as they were pulled from the island to a city. But this time it was different, they materialized outside the daycare, on the sidewalk. It was mid-morning, without any traffic, and the sunlight lit the daycare center in brilliant light.

"Oh, fiddlesticks! I'm too big to go inside." Barney fretted. His belly rumbled with hunger.

"Don't you worry one little bit, Barney!" Riff said to cheer his friend up. "We'll just go inside and have our friends come out." He smiled, light glinting off the sharp triangular teeth.

"But you can't get through the door. Your hands aren't hands now." Barney pointed out.

"We've never needed doors before." Riff responded, walking through the wall like a ghost. "Come on you two!"

Barney waited impatiently, his belly grumbling, waiting for his friends to come out and join him.

The screams started as soon as the others found their friends, and the doors burst open, releasing panic-stricken preschoolers straight into Barney's fearsome grin.

"Oh how I _love_ children!" Barney said as he made his friends one with him forever, each bite more delicious than the one before…


End file.
